


Inevitable

by Nadzieja



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Comfort/Angst, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley's Trial in Heaven, Historical, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Scene: Aziraphale's Trial in Heaven (Good Omens), but they do end up together, might continue this at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:10:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadzieja/pseuds/Nadzieja
Summary: "Tell him, don't be so cruel.""You and me, we have a history."Crowley learns that his memories were meticulously cleaned to remove his and Aziraphale's relationship (canon story being what Crowley remembers)Who and why did this? And most importantly - how did their relationship looked like before?ORHeaven and Hell decided to hold a joint trial for the two of them (no body swap occurred), BUT during the trial interesting things are being mentioned that Crowley has no recollection of - mainly related to his and Aziraphale's relationship...
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 77





	Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Falling](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/539560) by Alice Rovai. 



"Wait, wait! This is actually all _my doing_. I, uh tempted the angel, he was… under my spell! Yeah, that's it." 

Crowley flexed his chest towards the group gathered around them - Archangels and Dukes of Hell alike, encircling them like a predator surround its prey. It wasn’t a complete surprise it came to this - they had the trial coming. Especially after their contribution to the Apocalypse, but he’ll be damned if he didn't at least _try_ to save his best friend. 

"And what spell would that be?" A being with a frog on his head that was the epitome of lack of style stepped forward.

"I don't expect _you_ to understand, Hastur." Crowley hissed back.

Gabriel chuckled, his expression something between pity and amusement. It was clear he was enjoying this whole situation way too much. He moved closer to Aziraphale, not even sparing him a glance and suddenly Crowley was sure that if his hands weren’t currently bound with anti-miracling shackles, he would slap that smile off his face in an instance.

"Look at him, despite everything you have done, he's still trying to save you." 

Crowley was ready to deny any words that came from the Archangel’s mouth, was ready to scoff, sneer and laugh. He could feel it coming in his throat and then he noticed something odd. Gabriel stopped in front of Aziraphale, who pinned his gaze to the ground. His heart momentarily plummeted down his ribcage. 

"What- What are you talking about?" 

Crowley frowned, pulling on all his strength to sound as casual as possible. Gabriel’s smirk widened.

"Don't be cruel, Aziraphale, tell your demon.”

Crowley swallowed "Tell me... what, angel…?" 

All this time Aziraphale was standing next to him. So close that if Crowley’s hands were free he could reach out and touch him, but suddenly he felt distant as if a chasm has opened between them. The angel’s gaze was fixed on the floor and his frame shrunk somehow. Whatever Gabriel was referring to, it pained the angel to even think about and that was the absolute worst part. _One day you are going to pay for it_ , Crowley promised himself. Aziraphale sighed heavily and it was as if the world depended on it. 

"I- _We_... have a history." 

Crowley would frown even more if it was humanly possible. _That's it?_

"What are you talking about? Of course we do, I've known you for six thousand years." 

It should have explained everything. It didn’t. Aziraphale's eyes remained dark and fixed on the floor. He knew his angel inside and out... didn't he…? Aziraphale swallowed loudly and Crowley felt the hot wire in his stomach pull stronger. 

"There was… more and I- I had to..." Aziraphale stammered and the rest of the sentence never made it out. Crowley could see silvery drops appearing in his bright blue eyes, and wished it was over already. 

"He wiped your memories of it." Beelzebub finished flatly. 

Crowley started to laugh, he had every right to laugh. It was a joke, wasn't it? He looked between Beelzebub, Hastur and other demons - they all had the same blank expression, except for Gabriel - he was beaming. Crowley's laugh died in his throat. 

"An- angel?" 

He could feel his heart pounding desperately in his chest. 

All of a sudden nothing else mattered. The trial didn’t matter, what will happen to them didn’t matter. There were only the two of them - angel and a demon who put all his faith in his best friend. Aziraphale hung his head on his side and made a nod so subtle it was almost unnoticeable. 

Crowley swallowed, suddenly weak in his knees. There were so many conflicting emotions flooding his heart he didn't know how to react. He was happy and angry, and scared. But not at any point was he angry at Aziraphale. If there was one thing he was sure about in this world, it was his angel being pure and just, and kind. _It makes so much sense_ , first thought broke through his hazy now mind - the unexplainable ache in his heart when they met, the feeling of being at peace, of belonging, of _home_. It made _so much sense._

A slow clap jolted him back to reality. 

"I'm touched, truly." Gabriel said pretending to wipe a tear off his eye. Crolwey's gaze was all daggers and sharp objects. 

"And believe me I'd _love_ to continue watching this, but unfortunately we're on a tight schedule tonight. I don’t suppose anyone needs any more evidence?” 

He addressed those present and faces on both sides, both known and unfamiliar nodded in agreement. Crowley didn't care, all he wanted now was to hold his angel, hug him, ask his questions and get some answers, but above all - take that burden off him. 

"Take them away, so we can prepare thingzz _here_." Belzebub ordered. 

Sandalphon shuffled awkwardly towards them and pushed harshly away from the crowd. They walked side by side in silence, Aziraphale looking at the ground and Crowley wishing for another world where they could just be. 

The cell was freshly made just for the two of them. Of course, why would Heaven have them in stock? Anything that wasn’t up to their standard was dropped down Below. The place itself was clearly Sandalphon's afterthought, resembling good old Sodom's dusty streets. There was even a small window with bars through which they could look out on the sterile corridor. _I suppose that’s how they imagine Hell_ , Crowley mused. 

Sandalphon exposed his golden teeth in a grin as he closed the doors behind them and disappeared. The shackles vanished and Crowley snapped his fingers at once, but nothing happened. The space was miracle-free. 

Aziraphale shuffled nervously and curled against the wall in silence, hiding face in his arms. Nervous as he was, Crowley sat next to him, repressing his own anxiety, he had to. He didn't know what to do, but Aziraphale's hands were only mere inches away and for the first time not off limits, for the first time he knew they belonged together. 

Not able to wait any longer, Crowley reached out and traced his fingers on the angel's open palm. For the first time feeling its softness and warmth. Feeling that they fit perfectly together. As soon as Crowley closed his hand on the angel’s, he latched onto it, interweaving them together as if he was the one waiting for it for six thousand years. Aziraphale raised his head and two streams instantly run down his face. 

“Crowley, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, all this for… for… nothing.” 

With nothing to hold him back anymore Crowley's hungry hands shot out of his body at once to hold Aziraphale's cheeks, tracing his features trying to remember _anything_. And there was also the question, squirming at the tip of his tongue, scalding it with impossible precision. 

"Angel… Why did you do it?" Somehow it's easier with Aziraphale's face cupped in both of his hands. He wipes every tear that starts rolling down with his thumbs. “Why did you do it, angel?” Crowley’s voice turned to whisper and he kissed the next tear off his cheek. 

"Because..." Aziraphale's voice was shaking, but at least they were together now, _truly_ together "...you asked me to.” 

Crowley froze as an icy coldness made way to his heart, engulfing it. His mouth went completely dry and he is sure his face was a whiter shade of pale. He licked his lips before asking the question he didn’t want to know the answer to. 

“Why…?" 

"Ah, my dear." Blue eyes looked at him with a mixture of inexpressible devotion and pain, and a potential blush Crowley can't believe it's really there. "Where do I start?" 

* 

"We're _not_ doing this angel. Forget about it." 

"Crowley…" 

"No. Listen, we'll find another way okay? I promise." 

Crowley's tone was harsh and determined. Aziraphale watched him pace the apartment in silence, occasionally stopping or making a gesture in the air. He was always as persistent as he was optimistic, both of which qualities the angel adored, but ones that might not be able to save them this time. Aziraphale sighed, he was trying to convince Crowley that Heaven and Hell’s offer wasn’t as bad as he thought. It's been three hours now and Aziraphale felt like they were getting nowhere. 

"What if there is no other way? And… and... _this_ way I could at least still see you." 

"And look into my eyes to see no recognition of who you are to me, of what we've had? That's what you want?" 

Crowley's tone was accusatory, piercing, but Aziraphale could be relentless too. 

"Yes, I'd rather see that than see you die." There was a brief hesitation crossing Crowley's face, so he decided to plough on. "There's nowhere we can hide from Above or Below, they will find us even on Alpha Centauri." 

"They're trying to break us, angel." Crowley's tone softened, pleaded. _I saw through their ploy_ , it said, _they're not going to get us_. "Not only do they want to see us suffer, but also want us to inflict their punishment on ourselves. They reveal in it." 

The demon finally gave up pacing and crossed the distance between them, kneeling in front of Aziraphale with head on his lap. 

"So it seems." Aziraphale gave him a faint smile in response and entangled his fingers in Crowley’s hair. "But whatever happens, we'll _always_ have each other. Even if we can't remember what we've been, I'm sure of it." 

“Between the two of us, you were always the stronger one.” 

Crowley looked away, but Aziraphale raised his chin and placed a kiss on Crowley's lips, just a brush of lips and the demon curled around him more. Aziraphale wasn’t sure if his arguments finally managed to convince Crowley, but for now he was content just stroking his fierce red hair. It was dark outside their apartment in Vienna and he was tired. And yet - he was happy. Up until this point, until Heaven and Hell learnt about their Arrangement and more - he was happy. 

"Alright, but on one condition" 

Crowley interrupted Aziraphale’s train of thoughts, which instantly made his stomach churn. _It's happening_ , he thought, _for real._  
"I will be the one to remember." 

"Crowley…" 

"No. Listen. I thought about it and this is clearly worse part of the deal.” The demon shifted and sat upright now to level his head with Aziraphale’s. “I will always be there for you and you won't ever know you're missing anything. I promise. Only next time, we’ll be more careful.” 

And that was it. There was no way of convincing Crowley otherwise, Aziraphale knew. He only wondered which of the two fates was truly worse - forgetting or carrying on, remembering. 

“No point prolonging this, I suppose.” Crowley put his hands on Aziraphale's temples. “I'll have to map our memories in order to tag them before the process starts….” 

After it was done…. 

* 

"Wait!" 

Crowley jolted up, stopping Aziraphale mid-sentence. The angel clearly didn’t expect to be brought back to reality, because the pain crept back at his face and Crowley felt instantly guilty. 

“You can't just skip… I mean- I would like to... know. What I've missed…” 

Aziraphale smiled sadly and nodded, inviting him back to lean onto him and burying his hand in the demon’s hair again. 

"Of course my dear.” 

* 

Crowley closed his eyes and concentrated. 

"Angel, um, could you, perhaps help me map them?" 

Aziraphale smiled and without hesitation put his own hands on Crowley's temples. They allowed each others in, it was as if all borders and boundaries dropped and dissolved. There was a sense of being naked in a way that is not possible in a body, a sense of being bare and raw. Aziraphale has never done this with another angel, never felt comfortable enough, and never he imagined it will be a demon he will open himself to. Now, it only felt natural. 

There was a long discussion on the wall of Eden about the good and the evil, the fate of humanity and their role in it. Crowley marked that chat to remove partially. 

Mesopotamia. Israel. Egypt. Each in their own way unique. Crowley gave him the ring with feathers. "I'm afraid that will have to go too, angel." 

They run into each other by chance in Rome and by that point he was excited to see Crowley (being on Earth was lonely sometimes). They had oysters and spend the evening drinking in a tavern. Crowley told him he grew disillusioned with his role on Earth and Aziraphale couldn't help, but relate. "That one as well, I'm afraid." The angel said blushing slightly. 

By the Shakespearean times there was the Arrangement and vague sense of belonging. Their fingers locked in the Globe theatre during "Romeo and Juliet" (of all the plays) and they remained this way until the end. They never spoke about it. 

One day Crowley invited him to a concert, Aziraphale always liked Bach and Vivaldi, but his absolute favourite was Arcangelo Corelli and not because of his name (Crowley always gave him flak for it). They lingered outside afterwards, chatting and bantering. At some point Crowley asked: 

_Do you know how humans show each other affection?"_  
Aziraphale gasped and Crowley leaned, parted his lips. It tasted like long forgotten memory of- of- Heaven.  
_Do you know how angels do?_ "  
He replied and without delay guided Crowley's fingers to his own temples, taking all his barriers down for the first time. 

They didn't know that forces of Heaven and Hell have already caught their scent. This lasted a while, a century maybe. Not nearly long enough, but would it ever be enough? 

Their nights at the theatre, concerts, dining together… Vienna was particularly beautiful - full of life and full of music. They were the happiest there. Maybe if they weren’t so blissfully oblivious to the world around them, to Heaven and Hell lurking at their doorstep it wouldn’t have come to this. 

"Angel, all- All of them." 

Crowley's voice cracked with emotion, but quickly he cleared his throat. He tried not to let his feelings spill out, but that's not an easy task when someone is in your mind. His feelings changed shape and something came from underneath, something that tasted like… reluctance and fear. 

The procedure was ready to begin, but Crowley wavered. He shifted uncomfortably with fingers on Aziraphale's temples desperately clutching to the past, drops of exertion appearing on his forehead. 

"Aziraphale, I…" 

Crowley looked up, floodgates of his emotions burst wide open and in that moment they both understood that Crowley… won’t be able to do it. 

_Between the two of us, you were always the stronger one._ Yes, he supposed he was, his heart already sinking in anticipation of what he will have to do. (Little did he know that the feeling was here to stay.) Aziraphale remembers - Crowley's pulse under his fingers, warm and way too frequent. His golden eyes wide open with pain that the angel could taste and could not bear. He remembers... 

“Please…” 

Crowley whispered in a way that asked for forgiveness and Aziraphale stepped into his mind. The demon's eyes closed instantly, soon he will fall asleep, his body limp in Aziraphale's arms. Soon it will be all over, the pain all gone, at least for Crowley. The angel whispered goodbyes into his ear, kissed his head and let go. 

* 

Crowley couldn’t move after Aziraphale finished his story, couldn't find words to say anything. He wished it wasn’t true, especially the last part, splitting guilt have filled him to the brim. 

"I’m sorry, my dear." 

The angel broke the silence first, still stroking Crowley’s hair. “It seemed like our best option at the time. Maybe if I truly stayed away…” 

"Don't." 

Crowley shifts to look at his angel. The tears on his face have dried out, leaving very red and very tired eyes. 

"You're not the one that should apologize. I should…" Aziraphale shook his head, but Crowley ploughed on. “And and… Victorian times and the holy water argument, London bombings, ah… the thermos. That was all because you were trying to… protect me.” It wasn’t a question. 

“That cursed thermos…” Aziraphale tried to smile at the thought, but only an exasperated shriek came out and his eyes blurred again. “That was selfish of me, but I wanted you to at least- at least have a vague idea… of- of..." 

"I did, angel." Crowley pressed Aziraphale's wrist against his lips. "Thank you. For helping me remember." 

"I'm sorry it didn't work out in the end." Aziraphale said calmer now, stroking Crowley’s cheek. 

"It did, angel. They tried to separate us, but maybe… we were always inevitable. Whatever comes, I regret nothing." 

"I regret nothing." Aziraphale repeated. His hand more tender against Crowley's skin than he expected, bringing memories of home to his heart. There were words unspoken for centuries crowding in his throat, chained down for millennia. Words scalding his tongue and heart, leaving untreatable wounds in its wake. After so many years of waiting, how do you set them free?

The angel leaned in to close the distance between them. “I love you,” he whispered and all the chains in their hearts turned into dust and fell away. Their lips joined again, after centuries of waiting. 

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason it felt like a good place to end it, but I also keep thinking what happens next...? (Yell at me to continue, that usually helps).
> 
> Also say hello to me on [ my tumblr ](%E2%80%9Dteslatherat.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D) ...if you want... I'd love tmeeting new people!  
> And if you'd like to be my beta-reader, I could be yours <3


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